We sincerely apologise for our lack of posts over the past couple of weeks. We'd like to say we've been partying with the stars but what really happened was much, much worse.
Picture the scene: It's Christmas Eve at Celebritish Towers and we've just finished decorating the tree. We're drinking mulled wine and waiting for the orphans to arrive to pick up their presents when all of a sudden the lights cut out! We start to panic as we hear massive, booming footsteps slowly coming up the stairs. The door opens and we catch a glimpse of something truly terrifying. Is it a monster? Is it an angry elephant? It's too dark to tell. As it shuffled along the floor towards us, we let out a pathetic scream...
Some time later we wake up in a kitchen Gordon Ramsay would be proud of were it not for the half-eaten pigs littering the floor and putrid stench of mouldy Chicken Tonight. As we try to untie ourselves from the cooker we feel a presence in the corner. "CHIIIIISSSSSTMASSSS DIN DIIIIINNNNNNNS!!!!!" it says. Thats right, we'd been kidnapped by Rik Waller. Again.
Thankfully, this time he was full of festive cheer and once we'd cooked him 53 turkeys and defrosted a few of Kerry's prawn rings he gave us an exclusive listen to his remarkable new album and let us go on our merry way.
Now we're finally back, there don't seem to be any celebrity stories worth taking the piss out of but we'll do our best!
The Celebritish Team